Massacre

Witcher... basically, a guy with too-tight pants fights monsters and people who are dicks. Overall, it looks neato and pretty much everyone likes it. As for story in games, if you're a history buff, you'll love the Assassin's Creed series. Few things are outright fictional. Even the most outlandish things have a pretty decent explanation, and if a historical figure in the game died around that time period by mysterious or vague circumstances, odds are you kill them yourself. Unfortunately, it's confusing as fuck if you haven't been playing since at least AC2.

If they sell it at a grocery store, if they sell it at a liquor store, if they sell it anywhere but the brewery it's made in and pubs that specialize in micro-brews, don't fucking drink it. That's how American beer works.

Mm-hm.

They didn't "announce" anything. They just made a comment during a routine earnings call. It's nothing.

New Assassin's Creed game is Unity, coming out later this year, and is being made especially for PS4/Xbox One. It's set during the French Revolution. Black Flag is a port, yeah, but Ubisoft handles ports better than most companies. Watch_Dogs is similar to AC (and is also made by Ubisoft), and that is also on PS4. Infamous: Second Son looks amazing, but I don't have a PS4, so I haven't played it, so I have no idea if it matters that you haven't played the first two games (as much as you read, I'd be disappointed if you didn't care about the story in a video game). Not sure what else is out right now.

I've said this before, but, I fucking love their logo. It's the best logo I've ever seen that featured a horse's ass.

Do want.

It means he had rough sex with them.

I'm glad we're still in that sweet spot where most developers are still making games for the current consoles, alongside games for next gen. This pleases me.

I've done it. It's a very action heavy mission with a fair amount of driving. You start in LS and end in Sandy Shores. The pay is absolute shit. You get less than $3000. I loved playing it. Hated the pay. Good to know. I expected shit pay, considering that's how Rockstar rolls nowadays. Did Crime Scenesters for Lester last night. Was a lot of fun. I'm guessing all the new missions will be high in fun factor and shit in pay.

GTA V port. Rockstar takes an eternity to finish hyping a game and just release the fucking thing, so there's no way it's something new.

The firefighters ruined this otherwise gorgeous pic. This is why I take a picture before I leave, whenever I commit arson. People are always in the way if you come back later.

Dangerous. Can't trust an unattended, modified car unless you're in a private/solo session. 7/10 times, someone stuck an ignition bomb on it.

Dude, I was complaining about mission payouts before the first patch had even lowered them. Gerald gave me $3000 for shooting my way to - and then delivering - $100k in coke, and Lester gave me $2000 for driving halfway across the map blowing up police cars on the road, at a police station, and in a prison. I have never been happy with a mission payout, except for Coveted, where you get $20k for fairly heavy work, and two assassinations that pay around $20k. Edit: Just did one of those assassinations. It only paid $6750. Thanks, Rockstar. Appreciate you fucking that up for me. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Has anyone been able to do Hit 'Em Up, the new mission for Gerald? I've gotten it twice, but I get stuck on "launching session" every time.

He just wants proper compensation for his work. Nothing wrong with that. An assassination that involves a military base in any way is extremely high profile and deserves a massive reward. The vast majority of the missions pay significantly less than they rightfully should.

Not sure if the base is meant to have lights at night, but they weren't on at any point during this mission. The plane takes off immediately, and it took me a while to fumble around in the dark and find a Lazer. By that time, the plane had gotten some distance, and was flying in circles outside of the safe zone surrounding the map, so once I was within targeting range, my Lazer went Bermuda Triangle on me, blowing out an engine, losing a wing, and crashing into the sea. By the time I reached the area a second time and successfully blew up the plane, it had gotten too much distance, and the DA was already halfway across the city, and had arrived at the police station by the time I reached it. Second attempt, I knew where the Lazer was, and went straight there. Caught up to the plane, blew it up, all good. It was at this point that I realized that the Lazer (which I never fly) is too fast to properly target anything that isn't going at the same speed (or close to it). And they simply have to give you a 4 star wanted level, so there are plenty of police vehicles to throw off the targeting every step of the way. I assume that was their intention, since no amount of police cars, SWAT trucks, helicopters, etc. are a threat to a Lazer. Needless to say, shit didn't work out. Third attempt, I ignored the DA, flew ahead to the freeway, landed the Lazer there, then got out and waited with a grenade launcher. Blew him up, grabbed the briefcase, all good. Basically, the Lazer is shit. No wonder I never get hit when some griefer is stalking me with one. As you said, a Buzzard would've been better.

So... Extradition is the worst mission in the history of Grand Theft Auto, and I hope whoever designed it is being infected with HIV, right this second. Edit: Mission complete, but my point still stands. AIDS for the piece of shit responsible for that one.

"Howdy there, folks. Have you heard the good news about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"

Scan and email us a copy. We'll file it away for future dad joke incidents.

Warned. Of course scales play music, you've never heard of 'do-re-mi'? *rimshot* Banned.

Playing online requires PS Plus, except where a game requires a subscription (The Elder Scrolls Online) or has an online pass (most games nowadays, as a deterrent from purchasing pre-owned games).

Can't decide between Youga and Rat-Loader for which vehicle is lowest with fully modified suspension.

Scales play music now? What fucktard came up with that?

Why the fuck does this punchbowl have an iPhone dock? Or why does this iPhone dock have a punchbowl?

Just call it the Zen, guys. No one is going to remember the correct spelling (except me, because proper spelling gives me a boner). I skipped it, for now. It's fun to drive, and it looks better than most of the supercars, but everyone else is driving one, and I don't want to forsake my beloved Jester.