Minute Men

Joe is a park ranger and his partner Josef is a Russian immigrant. Both men form the Civil Border Patrol whose goal is to protect the United States from supposed illegal immigrants.

Protagonists: Trevor
Rewards: $1000, Stun Gun

The Civil Border Patrol

Trevor comes across two men peering into an old van in the western end of the desert. They turn around and one begins asking Trevor for a passport in Russian. Trevor doesn't understand and the man continues to yell at Trevor about not understanding English and how immigrants are a problem in America. Eventually the other man who actually speaks English - named Joe - tells his special friend - named Josef - that he'll make a good civil protector of the border one day. Joe explains to Trevor that this was a training exercise. Trevor thanks the two men for protecting sand in the desert instead of expanding the gene pool. Joe and Josef explain how immigration is a serious problem - although Josef does most of the explaining in Russian. Suddenly a faint alarm sound is heard and Joe pulls out a little black box he calls a "Patriot Meter". He tells the other patriots that there are illegals over the hills and that they must go. Joe tells Trevor to drive and they all get in the Park Ranger SUV.

Drive out to the suspects. Joe introduces himself and Josef to Trevor. He tells Trevor to head for the Yellow Jack Inn. Joe's "Patriot Meter" can predict undesirables with 79% accuracy. Trevor thinks the two are joking but Joe informs him this is for real. The people they are after are criminals threatening the American way of life and property taxes. Trevor thinks the country has bigger issues and doesn't mind illegals but Joe says he's brainwashed and they'll convert him. Trevor will of course be paid for his services.


When you arrive at the inn go inside to flush out the suspects. The bartender will tell Trevor he's banned but Trevor questions who isn't. She tells him to not cause trouble. Go around to the left and walk into the next room. Trevor looks around and comes to the conclusion that everyone in the bar has done something illegal. Walk back outside to the patrol vehicle. When you exit Joe tells Trevor to hurry up since the people they are after just left in a car. Get in the SUV and chase after the band's car. Joe gives Trevor a stun gun to use when the car is stopped.

If you don't stop the car they eventually crash into a structure on the eastern end of the desert. The band members stumble out and you are told to use the stun gun on the mariachi. Do so for both. When they recover, Joe and Josef take them into custody. All four get into the SUV and leave. Joe thanks Trevor for the help.

Tips

• To stop the band as quickly as possible shoot out their tires. You need to pop at least two. Equip a rifle or SMG as you walk out of the bar and fire away. You can stop them in 5 seconds. Note that sometimes with shooting so soon the police can be alerted which fails the mission.
• You should have plenty of time to steal the Tornado between stunning the band members and the mission ending. You need to be in the car when the mission ends.

Objectives

• Mariachi My Ride - Steal the band's Tornado after stunning them.
• Stop the Music - Stop the band within 40 seconds.

An American Welcome

Hours and hours later Trevor finds Joe's Park Ranger SUV near the northwest corner of the Alamo Sea. As he looks inside Joe and Josef sneak up with stun guns drawn. Trevor is startled and the two men realize it's him. Trevor wonders what they are up to and Josef rants in Russian about a few interesting points. Joe loves how Josef doesn't speak English but loves America. He then notices someone in the distance and exclaims that it's an illegal ruining their land. He tells the other patriots to get in the SUV. Once again Trevor is driving.

Chase after the suspect to apprehend him. The suspect is riding an ATV along the lake moving west past the road you are on. Joe makes sure Trevor still has his stun gun and Trevor makes sure Joe and Josef know he thinks they are crazy. Get up close to the suspect so Joe can use the stun gun out the window. When he stuns the suspect stop the SUV and back up if needed. Joe and Josef get out to take him in custody. Apparently this isn't the first time this man has encountered the two Civil Border Patrol members. Get back in the SUV if needed and wait for all the others to get in.


Next Joe wants you to head for the cement factory. He has reports of illegals working there. The captured man says he has papers but Josef "accidentally" drops them out the window. Trevor asks how Joe got this SUV and he says he is a proud park ranger. He met Josef online and has no idea what he does for a living. When you enter the cement factory gate Joe gets on the PA and announces the arrival of the Border Patrol. Two people take off on motorcycles through the back of the lot.

Chase after the suspects. They head east and then south on paths, roads, and sometimes open landscape. The suspects will pretty much go all the way to Los Santos if allowed. Get next to them so they can get stunned. If you get one they'll stay on the ground as you go after the other. Stop the SUV near each suspect to let Joe or Josef out to take the suspects into custody. When the second is taken into custody go back to the first one if needed. When both are in the SUV Joe tells Trevor they will take it from here. Exit the SUV if needed and they take off leaving Trevor alone.

Tips

• Both Joe and Josef can stun the suspects from their respective positions on either side of the SUV. Joe can even aim a little ahead.
• The Park Ranger SUV is quite bad at maneuvering compared to the suspect vehicles. Slow down for turns and try to take short cuts across the landscape when possible.
• If you are really fast it is possible to get the SUV in front of the first suspect before he passes the road you drive down. You might end up ramming and/or killing him, though.
• For the second pair of suspects the game will force them out ahead of you (even if you block the rear exit they'll smash right through your SUV). Best way to go about it is not going to the marker. Instead go to the right before entering the property which has a straight shot out the back way where the suspects exit. This should help you catch up a lot quicker.
• Two methods for stopping the suspects quicker are to ram them or shoot out their tires. Both run the risk of killing the suspects and both can prevent you from getting the stun objective by making the suspects crash. If you don't care for that objective then have at it.

Objectives

• Downed - Stop the first group of immigrants within 30 seconds.
• Double Downed - Stop the second group of immigrants within 55 seconds.
• Shock and Awed - Use the stun gun to stop all immigrants.

Minute Man Blues

Half a day later Trevor finds a familiar man sitting on a corner in Paleto Bay. It's the man who was riding the ATV previously who wasn't deported after all. Trevor doesn't really care either way since he was only being paid to help the Civil Border Patrol. The man says his family is more American than Trevor. Trevor realizes he may have made a mistake by helping the idiots and the man presses him that he's an ignorant fool like his "friends". Trevor gets angry enough to put a gun to the man's head but he doesn't budge. The man says Trevor is in debt to him and needs to clean up the mess. He won't be paying Trevor anything. The man walks off saying the Civil Border Patrol members are east of here at a farm. He gets in a truck and drives off. You are instructed to kill Joe and Josef.

Drive over to the farm. You'll likely first encounter Josef aiming a shotgun at a group of workers. He rants at them in Russian and will eventually shoot one which will fail the mission. Kill him quickly before that happens. Joe is in the barn also holding up a group of workers with a shotgun and will take off in a tractor after Josef dies. Chase after and kill him however you wish. There is an ATV parked in front of the barn if needed. When both are dead the mission is complete.

Tips

• The stun objective can be quite a pain since the stun gun has very limited range and the two enemies have shotguns. To make the stun objective you can't shoot them in the leg first and then stun (which kills). You need to stun first and then use bullets. Note that you can use a vehicle to knock them over first. Then stun and kill.
• It's easier to get Joe in the barn first but usually the barn doors are closed up and you won't be able to do so (if the door is open or missing it's a glitch). You can keep him on foot by parking a vehicle in front of a barn door and he'll run out after Josef's death.

Objectives

• What Goes Around... - Use the stun gun on Joe and Josef before killing them.
• No Migration - Kill Joe and Josef before they leave the farm.